World Cup commercial update

When I last wrote about the World Cup ads in March, they were just starting to appear. Now Nike has tossed out an initial try with their “Write the Future” ad campaign:

It’s a cute enough ad, to be sure, on the first viewing, and it gets me a bit excited, but there are some major, major problems.

First, at this time, Ronaldinho is not even going to the World Cup. Though listed on the provisional 30-man roster, which was submitted earlier this month, he was not listed in Dunga’s unofficial squad of 23. And here I was, thinking the inclusion of Edgar Davids in the Nike ads eight years ago was a flub…

Next, what is up with Cristiano Ronaldo’s being the hero at the end of the commercial? This is the same Cristiano Ronaldo, mind you, who will not even make it out of the group stage. Although I feel sorry for Gael García Bernal…

Furthermore, those cheap jerseys that Didier Drogba, Fabio Cannavaro, and Franck Ribéry are wearing have got to go. I understand that those countries don’t have shirts made by Nike, but I can get more inspired bootleg renditions at Maxwell St. Market.

Finally, there’s the weird way in which the success of each team is interpreted depending on the country. Drogba’s heroics are classically “Dark Continent”-ized: his success involves clusters of people around fuzzy televisions cheering amongst themselves. We get no sense of an Ivorian element to his potential goal.

But Wayne Rooney–his success or failure affects the entire UK economy. Furthermore, his tackle of Ribéry triggers a crypto-racist spurt in white baby births in the UK, so that we have new Rooneys in England to figuratively cut the influence of the immigrant wave off at the knees, an immigrant wave symbolized, of course, by Franck Ribéry, a famous convert to Islam.

So what’s up, Wieden Kennedy?

(Also: I started a World Cup pick ’em pool you can join: Lithchat 2010 World Cup Challenge)

Tags: Cristiano Ronaldo, Didier Drogba, England, France, Franck Ribéry, Ronaldinho, Wayne Rooney, World Cup